Blogger Widgets

Friday, June 23, 2017

Break my heart for what breaks Yours.

This song has been with me all day, yes Hosanna. Perhaps everything I’m about to say you won’t identify with. But maybe, just maybe, there is one other person who struggles with this too.
This is really representative of my passion for my life right now—the cry of my heart is especially reflected in the words in the bridge:
“Heal my heart and make it clean—Open up my eyes to the things unseen—Show me how to love like You have loved me—Break my heart for what breaks Yours—Everything I am for Your Kingdom’s cause…”

Yes, Lord. Break my heart for the things that break Your heart.

As I think about my past, the wounds of my soul are still raw. There is hurt that has never been resolved, i realize that in the process of healing i allowed my heart to become hardened. I think sometimes i just don't want my heart to ache anymore. So my solution is to keep my heart covered up.

Last night in the midst of worrying, I was wide awake. And it was almost like God said to me "Give me your attention." So, there i was in the middle of the night, lying in bed wide awake, crying, and feeling the break in my heart. A sad and somewhat scary thing in the middle of the night, but when i was able to gain some composure, talk with my Father, and give my worries of the situation over to Him, i was in a much safer, happier, and confident place.

Here are some things i'm learning through this.. I've got to stop long enough to sit down and cry. As a woman who thrives off of being busy, this is one of my biggest downfalls. I don't allow myself time to let things around me sink in. But i'm reminded that yes, even Jesus.. sat down and wept. [John 11:35]

I've got to know what breaks God's heart. The heart of God is a beautiful place. But i will only know His heart by knowing His word. Maybe these are simple thoughts. But they are the truth that God is pouring out on me. My heart is burdened to get to this place of really allowing my heart to break like His.

To be broken for the things of Christ means to die to self. We have to stop living out of our own selfish desires, give up the selfish ambition, stop living for the expectation of man, and truly allow God to burden us with concern for others. 
First things first though. We cannot be broken unless we allow Christ to do His thing in us. That means being open to Godly instruction and advice and humbling ourselves to realize that we have things to work on within ourselves. It means actually praying for and being open to change. It’s not easy. Spiritual growth hurts, and it isn’t always going to be the quick rip of a band-aid type pain. Sometimes it’s going to be the re-breaking of things that healed wrong in the first place and need to be reset in the truth of the Word of God.  I know this from experience. God is still working on me in many areas. But the moment we think we’ve arrived is the moment we need to do a U-turn and look inward at ourselves. We won’t arrive anywhere until we arrive at the gates of heaven. The choice of destination is completely up to us.

Lord, let me really see into the eternal as i go about my day-to-day lives; give me Your perspective. I want to notice those around us who are broken and lonely and lost, and extend grace and love to them in the same way that You have loved me. 
I want to live in such a way that Your Kingdom is really first in my life. This is a choice i make, Jesus, to be incarnated into those situations where i must set aside any position of comfort i may have.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Even when it hurts.

Take this fainted heart.
Take these tainted hands.
Wash me in your love.
Come like grace again.
Even when my strength is lost.
I'll praise You.
Even when i have no song.
I'll praise You.
Even when it's hard to find the words.
Louder then i'll sing Your praise.
Take this mountain weight.
Take these ocean tears.
Hold me through the trial.
Come like hope again.
Even when the fight seems lost.
I'll praise You.
Even when it hurts like hell.
I'll praise You.
Even when it makes no sense to sing.
Louder then i'll sing Your praise.
I will only sing Your praise.

Friday, April 07, 2017

Move forward.

While we are in the process of healing, remember—
Just because we are going through hell right now, doesn't mean we will never ever smile again. Pain is purely temporary. Remember that before we give up and decide we will never be whole again.
A year from now, we are going to be an entirely different person. We would have shed this skin made of pain and heartache and become someone stronger, more compassionate and better. Every day that passes, we grow further and further from the thing that caused us pain.
Don't blame ourselves. Forgive ourselves. We are human, we are allowed our flaws.
Self care is so important. We cannot look after anyone else, unless we learn how to look after ourselves. Take care of our mind, our body, and our soul. Don't allow anyone to tell us that we are being selfish during this time. Stop trying to be there for everyone all the time. We are needed most of all for ourselves right now. 

Stop wishing for that time machine. I'm sorry. There is no way to go back and fix what has happened. There is no way to change what has happened to us. We can only learn from it and move forward. Terrible things happen for a reason, sometimes they lead us to the happiest moments of our lives. Remember that because it will stop us from forever living in the past.

Thursday, April 06, 2017

Deep thinker & Sensitive soul.

When we're a deep thinker, with a sensitive soul, we have a tendency to overanalyze and overthink. We dont give ourself a break and we're always too hard on ourselves.
We take people's words seriously, we try to interpret exactly what they meant or how they said things. We drive ourselves crazy because part of us want to ask them why they said that and the other just doesn't want to sound insane.
We see the world in black and white because we cant be in the middle, we can't settle for grey, we don't know how to half-feel, half-love or half-live. We either give our all or we feel empty all the time.
We've been called too many things; too sensitive, too deep, too emotional, too serious, crazy, indecisive.
Our heart is fragile and hopeful so when we don't get the affection or the love we were looking for, it breaks us.
We're always trying to find meaning behind everything. Meaning behind our pain or our?heartbreak. Meaning behind our losses and the lessons we've learned. We cant just live without trying to find answers to the questions we have.

But when we're both a deep thinker and a sensitive soul, remember this — we have something special, we have art, we have magic within us, something about this unique pairing fuels the fire within us to be someone worth remembering, to do something extraordinary for the world, to use all the madness inside us and turn it into wisdom. We become an alchemist, transforming our pain and darkness into gold.

So to the ones who are tired of apologizing for their sensitivity. The ones who have to say sorry for overreacting or getting emotional. The ones who push people away because they care too much about them. The ones who get hurt when someone looks the other way, when someone ignores their message, when someone doesn't smile back.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry we live in a world that doesn't understand us. I'm sorry that we live in a world that doesn't realize how much it needs us, because we give people hope and we remind people that it's okay to be real and soft. We remind people that it's okay to be a non-perfect human being. 
To the ones who are tired of apologizing for their vulnerability. The ones who show too much too soon. The ones who cant help but tell people how much we love them and what we're willing to do for them. The ones who believe that people can change, that people can heal, that people just need the right kind of love to be the best versions of themselves. Don't let the world change us. Don't let heartbreak make us down. Keep saying what we want to say because life is too short to keep important words unsaid.
I still don't have the answer. I still dont know why people like us are suffering. I still don't understand how our kindness and our authenticity is working against us but i know that a lot of people are watching us. Maybe a lot of people secretly want to be us. Maybe we're an inspiration to those around us. And maybe the world is too hard on us because we're someone people look up to us and they want to know that we'll keep on fighting. They want to know we'll keep on trying, we'll keep on building our own life and carving our own path because that's what makes us special. That's what makes us extraordinary— our ability to live when everything around us is killing us.

Monday, August 08, 2016

My soul is waiting.

Oh, how lovely life is.
But sometimes, it isn't that lovely.
Sometimes, it's just down right.
Sometimes, life throws some seriously sour, bitter lemons my way that, no matter how many cups of sugar i try to pour down into that lemonade to try to sweeten it up, it just does no good. But it's in those moments, those sour, bitter, unsweet, that i need to slow down and remind my anxious heart. But my poor circumstances do not mean i have a poor God. He is rich in love, mercy, forgiveness, faithfulness, goodness, and it is Him who holds my best interests at heart. 

It blows my mind how much i have already learned in this life and how much i will continue to grow. In Him.

Psalms 130:5 - I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in His word do I hope. [KJV]
This verse really describes what Lord is showing me right now. Im waiting upon Him right now. My soul is waiting.
And if anyone knows me, they know that trust is not my strong suit. But im always choosing to trust in His Words.
Im choosing to let the Lord answer my call to transform my life and grow me into the person He wants me to be. To blossom into a woman i want to be, a daughter of my Jesus Christ.
It's a scary thing, my friends. But it's a journey i am excited to travel. 🏃🏻